Sweet x Surrender
by Cain the Silver Sin
Summary: They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. What they never told you is that it also makes the heart ache in ways you never imagined and the soul long for something you never had before.


5 years.

They haven't seen each other in 5 years, and honestly it might as well have been an eternity. Gon forgets to breathe for a moment as the dim light of the moon filters through the curtains of the expensive hotel room, illuminating the features of the snow-white haired man in front of him. Killua has gotten tall. At first sight it would seem they are at the same height, but Killua is actually a bit taller than him now. His style is as casual as ever, wearing a t-shirt over a thin sweater and jeans, all black. His face is thinner, having grown out of the baby-face he sported way back then but his eyes are still the same vibrant blue, encircled by long, coal-black lashes. He's got a silver stud in each ear Gon notices. That, paired with everything else, and the fact that he wears his now longer hair in a messy, low ponytail, makes Gon swallow hard. Killua has gotten really _handsome_.  
He doesn't dare to speak, doesn't trust his voice just yet. Killua is smiling fondly at him. A smile that does nothing to quell the warmth pooling in his stomach or the swell of his heart. He knows they needed to be apart for a while, the fork in the road leading them their separate ways. But he realises then, that he has truly missed his very best friend in the whole world. Heart-achingly missed him, longed for his company like nothing else.

"Miss me, Gon?"

Gon always liked Killua's voice. It was melodic, full of poise, but also passion and resolve. Reaching maturity did nothing to change that, it only added a new layer, something a bit deeper, a bit sweeter. Gon can barely repress a shiver. Ever the perceptive one, Killua lets out a soft chuckle. Approaching Gon in long strides, he smiles secretively before pouncing on the other, wrapping him in what must have been the world's tightest hug. Gon doesn't hesitate for even a second before hugging him back hard.

"Yes." he croaks, throat thick with feelings he could never truly prepare for. "More than you can ever imagine."

"You idiot!" Killua shouts, startling Gon as his mouth is way too close to his ear. Gon blinks in confusion as Killua backs up, rubbing at his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. That's when he notices the tears. Killua is crying.

"Killua…" Gon says softly, heart aching and chest constricting. Killua sniffles and dries his eyes one more time.

"Do you- do you have any idea how worried I was about you? When your messages stopped coming 3 years ago I thought you were- I thought you were dead, Gon!"

Gon stares at the floor shamefully, knowing too well there are things he could have done differently back then. He knows well the moment Killua speaks of, the moment where he decided not to contact Killua by other means to tell him his phone got destroyed in a fight with a monster. He was at a bad place then. Too wrapped up in his depression about losing his nen. Too wrapped up in bothersome thoughts concerning his best friend…

"I thought I was never going to see you again… Hadn't it been for Kite, I would still believe you to be dead…"

 _~Flashback~_

He had just gotten his nen back, albeit very weak, when Kite had suddenly appeared before him on the unnamed island he had taken up residence on. Eyes dark and lips drawn in a stern line she just suddenly stood there. He was always a very good tracker, he could possibly have located Gon in the very deepest pits of hell if he wanted to. That was 1 year ago.

"Do you plan on sending a life sign our way soon?" Kite asked monotonously, body posed in her standard hand on the hip pose. She had gotten as tall and lanky as he used to be in his former life. Red hair framing a slightly fuller face, set with violet eyes. Kite had been imposing before his death, if possible she was even more imposing in her new life, the smattering of freckles on her cheeks doing nothing to soften her features.

"Who's asking?" Gon had replied dully, not at all impressed then and too wrapped up in his own sorrow to think of anyone else's.

It was apparently the wrong answer. Gon hadn't even registered Kite moving before he was face down in the dirt, Kite sitting on top of him, having his arms locked in place. For some reason this angered Gon. This version of Kite shouldn't be able to overpower him so easily. He tried to move, trashing around for a bit, grumbling profanities until he's exhausted. Kite doesn't weigh much, but it was nearly impossible to shake her off as she was really strong, and her nen… Her nen was even stronger. Kite must have done a lot of training since he last saw her…

"Everyone is asking, Gon. But while certainly not everyone counts, your aunt should be a priority, and perhaps that devoted friend of yours should be too."

His heart gave a loud thump. His stomach churned.

"Killua is asking about me..? Have you seen him?"

"He is with Mito-san on Whale Island. He thinks you are dead. So does she. I told them I'd go look for you… as you came looking for me once…"

Kite's nen flickered and dulled as she spoke, the memories still painful. But she is strong and her nen was soon back to full force again. She moved off off Gon and swept the dust off her clothes. Gon only got halfway up, sitting back on his knees, whimpering as he rubbed his sore arms. They were so gonna bruise.

"Kite… I'm sorry…" he whispered, eyes fixated on the ground before him.

The apology is genuine, but he knows it is not enough. Kite doesn't look any more pleased now than she did before, arms folded over her chest.

"I can't let him see me like this. I need my nen back, I need my strength back." Gon gritted through his teeth, still not looking at Kite.

"That's why I came here. I needed to train, I needed to get my mind off things, I needed to get away…"

He could hear her sigh loudly and he half waited for her to smack him in the back of his head. Minutes trickled by, but nothing happened.

"Get up. Fight me." she ordered sternly and Gon turned his head in surprise. Kite wrung her sweater over her head, leaving her in a black tank top. For someone so lean and thin she certainly was defined and Gon suddenly felt a bit inadequate is the muscles department. She gathered her hair in a messy bun and cracked her knuckles and neck, all while staring Gon directly in the eyes.

"Come on. Not going to ask you again. Get up."

There was almost as if something in Gon clicked back into place with Kite's words. He lifted himself up from the ground, wobbling a bit on his legs before he went into his old battle stance. A small, barely visible smile graced Kite's lips for half a second, Gon missed it, already focusing intensely on keeping his weak nen active for the coming fight.

"Good. You want your nen back? Then you better be prepared to work hard for it. We are not leaving this island before you are back to where you were when we first met after Greed Island and that's the bare minimum. You've got 1 year from today on. Better make every hour of the day count."

Gon lunged forward with a battle cry as soon as Kite had finished speaking. She was just standing there and Gon actually expected her to take his punch, if only to show him the gap between their strength then. Only Kite had other plans. When he was a mere centimetre from hitting her square in the nose, she danced just out of his reach, grabbed his arm and threw him to the ground like a rag doll. He immediately got up and faced her again, fists shaking, but a fire had finally been lit in his eyes, and Kite smiled so he could see it this time.

"1 year." Kite voiced.

"1 year." Gon replied and lunged forward again.

 _~End Flashback~_

"Killua…" Gon says softly, fully aware of how fragile the moment is and how painful it must have been for everyone thinking he was dead.

"Killua I'm-"

A moment from a long time ago flashes in his mind's eye and he remembers what Ging told him, when he was crying about Kite, still thinking he was dead.

" _When apologizing to a friend, there's a rule. Do you know it? You promise to do things differently next time. And you keep that promise, no matter what."_

He closes the distance between himself and Killua, pulling the other flush against his chest, resting his chin atop of his head. Killua wraps his arms tightly around him again, body shivering as tears continue to drip down and soak into Gon's shirt. For a long moment they stay like that. Gon stroking Killua's hair, breathing in his scent, the vice-grip around his heart unwinding slowly.

"Killua, I can probably never tell you enough how sorry I am for this. For not keeping in touch with you. I promise that- I promise that the next time something like this happens, I'll do better. No… I promise that something like this is never going to happen ever again. I am _never_ going to leave you again. I… need you in my life, Killua. I've missed you so much… Can you- can you forgive me?"

He isn't sure if he actually meant to say all that out loud, not everything at once at least, but the words just spills out before he can stop them. He was damned with the need to always speak from his heart after all.  
Killua sniffles before he cranes his head upwards, eyes meeting Gon's. Gon's breath is caught in his throat again because Killua is really, really close to his face now. He might be blushing, he's sure he is blushing.

"Idiot… Of course I forgive you." Killua laughs ever so softly.

"I'd never invite you over here if my intentions were to just shout at you and tell you to fuck off. I want you to stay and… I am glad to hear you want to stay with me too…"

They're at some sort of weird stalemate now. Caught in an embrace, too close to be called strictly friendly, too far away for that something more. Gon swallows audibly. Killua's eyes they are so, so blue. His lips so, so close. Maybe, just maybe…?

"A-Alluka?" he questions silently.

"Asleep in her own room. We used Nanika to get here. She'll be asleep until morni-"

The last word doesn't get to fully leave Killua's lips before Gon kisses him. The touch is light, light like a feather and tender like a summer's breeze. How many times hasn't he imagined this? How much hadn't he wished for this to happen. All those years ago, but he was so sure Gon wasn't interested in having him this way, he was so sure-

"Killua." Gon whispers, resting their foreheads together. "Don't fret about it. Don't think too much about it. Just tell me if this is okay or not. I don't ever want to hurt you in any way. Never again."

He knows he overthinks stuff all the time. He knows he frets and fusses. He could never truly get rid of those traits about himself, but they are pleasantly weaker when Gon is nearby. The only thing he wants to think about now, is how Gon is here with him, after 5 long years apart, and he just kissed him. Gon reciprocates his feelings. With trembling hands he cups Gon's face, strokes his cheeks and laughs nervously.

"There's… nothing more I'd rather want in this world, than to be with you." he states simply. There. He is laid bare. Metaphorically naked in front of his best friend and even if he never admitted it out loud; long time love interest.  
Gon's smile could probably rival the sun right about now, and he's even got tears at the corner of his eyes, that silly idiot…

Long fingers comes up to trail over Killua's lips, they tickle and he sucks in a breath.

"Can I kiss you more?" Gon whispers, brown eyes half-lidded, a shy smile pulling at the corners of his lips.

"Yes~" Killua replies, releasing the breath he has been holding. There is butterflies flitting about in his stomach, a new and exciting feeling he's not known before. Not before Gon.

The second time Gon kisses him isn't as feathery light as the first. Their lips are closer, more molded together, yet it is still so gentle. Killua actually feels weak in his knees. He kisses back in slow, testing motions. Gon sighs contently into Killua's mouth as he kneads his waist and it goes straight to Killua's groin. _Oh shit_.

The familiar feeling of panic and wanting to run bubbles ever so slightly right under the surface, but as if he is in possession of a 6th sense Gon just winds his arms around his back to hug him close and puts his lips against his ear. Panic, doubt, fear, the need to run; Gon dispels them all with one word.

"Stay."

They slowly back up to the double bed, Killua sits down and Gon backs away to take off his jacket and sweater. He still favours white tank tops underneath everything. Killua always looked up to Gon because of who he is as a person and how he always puts his loved ones first. But right now there's no denying that the way Gon _looks_ plays a tiny part in his attraction to the other. He hasn't been slacking off with his training that's for sure. He's gotten quite broad over his shoulders and there's definitely power in those legs. His hair is a mess as usual, a mop of black hair with spikes going in all directions, but that only adds to his charm Killua thinks.

Gon's eyes are on him again and Killua scoots back to make some space for him. He pulls off his own sweater as well and tosses it to the floor. He was never shy about his body before, but there's just something in this moment that insists he act like a coy teenager. Which he kinda still is, if only barely.  
The bed dips as Gon lies down beside him, and instead of panic he only feels a calmness wash over him now as he's pulled into a loving embrace, bodies flush against each other. This is nice, this is oh so nice, so right, so perfect. Killua could stay like this forever if he was allowed to, in the arms of the strongest person he knows, in the warmth of the one he treasures the most in the whole world.

Tentative kisses are being placed on his temples and warm breath tickles his skin. Gon's fingers trails up and down his back in slow motions, one hand sneaking inside his tank top to feel his bare skin. He lets out a short gasp. The sensations are totally new and so pleasant, innocent yet so intimate. Gon takes advantage of that gasp and captures Killua's mouth in a deep kiss. He's still so modest, there's barely any tongue at all as he takes his sweet time on unexplored territory. They kiss lazily for a long time, hands skimming over torsos and arms, and occasionally dipping underneath tank tops.  
Killua pants softly as both of Gon's hands has disappeared underneath his tank top and is now firmly kneading his sides, kisses becoming hotter. He feels warm all over, even with the window slightly ajar to let in the mild spring breeze.

"Killua. I want to make you feel good. Will you let me?"

Gon's voice is hazy with want, and the way he just spoke that sweet, sweet sentence against his lips has Killua blushing madly. He wants that, he wants it so much, but he…

"Gon, I haven't…" he starts, grimacing at himself, both because of inexperience and for for once being scared of diving head first into something.

"Me neither." Gon just smiles that stupid innocent smile of his, the one that makes Killua melt everytime.

"Killua, do you trust me?" he asks softly, hands still stroking his sides, brown eyes holding so much love and care fixated on him. Of course Killua trusts him. More than anyone else. This is Gon. He wants Gon, he _needs_ Gon.

"Yes~" he breathes in response. Gon's eyes are shining. To be so important to someone…

Wordlessly Gon moves off the bed to remove his pants and socks. He's left in only his underwear and tank top, and Killua swallows as his eyes goes directly to the bulge between his legs. _Oh. Fuck_.

Gon seemingly doesn't notice, Killua isn't so sure about that, the way he smiles with just a slight upturn at the corner of his mouth betrays him. He moves over to Killua again, wasting no time as he takes ahold of his pants and slides them over his hips and down his legs, catching his socks at the end and dropping it all in a heap on the floor. He pauses for a few seconds to just look at Killua. He's all lean muscle, all creamy skin- white happy trail disappearing down into cotton boxers… He lets out an appreciative sigh and delights in the way a dusty pink settles over Killua's high cheek bones.

"Killua…" he says, voice husky and brimming with adoration, as he climbs over the other Hunter, bringing their bodies together and settling on top of him.

And then he _grinds_.

Killua is caught very much off guard and moans unabashedly at the feeling of their clothed erections rubbing together.

"Fuuuck~" he half hisses, hands gripping at Gon's biceps. Gon is smiling down at him, brown eyes half-lidded as he continues grinding down slowly against him. Their mouths meet again and this time the kisses are wet and messy. It feels so wonderful, so sinfully good. To be like this with Gon, so intimate, so close, so perfectly _safe_.

Killua groans in between a particularly messy kiss and is rewarded with a hard thrust that has him almost see stars. The pleasure is building up way too fast (curse being so inexperienced) and he whimpers against Gon's lips.

"S-stop for a second, I- it's… too good."

Gon kisses him softly as his hips cease to move, still keeping them flush together. He trails a hand through Killua's disheveled hair, hooks a finger into his hair tie and gently pulls it off. It's a messy cascade of snow spilling over the pillows and Gon marvels at the softness of it. Killua is so beautiful, and he is _his_.

"Gon, please~" Killua whispers and bucks ever so slightly up into Gon. Gon only smiles secretively before kissing him again and rolling them onto their sides. As he keeps Killua's mouth busy with his own, his hand caresses the other's stomach before dipping lower, slipping past the waistband of his boxers and giving the throbbing cock there a firm squeeze. The sound that leaves Killua's lips is everything Gon is ever going to need. A cross between a soft moan and a gasp, it has his nerves tingling deliciously. He gives it a few experimental pulls before rubbing his thumb over the slit, smearing the translucent drop that has gathered there. Killua moans into Gon's mouth, hands trying to find purchase in the other's clothes. A brief moment of clarity has Killua locking hazy eyes with Gon, a small smirk playing on his lips. A breathy " _Let me…"_ is all the warning Gon gets before Killua's hand is down his boxers as well. He's lost the moment Killua's hand moves around him. Finding a steady rhythm proves difficult, but neither seem to care as they rut together, harsh pants between wet kisses and soft moans. Gon's free hand finds Killua's hair again, fingers sliding through the silky locks before pushing against his scalp to bring their lips hard together.

"Aah, Killua, Killua…" Gon chants, Killua's name close to a prayer on his lips. Killua isn't coherent enough to answer, choosing instead to bury his face in the crook of Gon's neck, kissing whatever skin he can reach.  
Gon groans as the pleasure builds rapidly in the pit of his stomach, wound tightly like a coil waiting to burst. Killua isn't far behind. Their lips meet again and the world is going white for a second as Gon comes with a soft moan into Killua's mouth. He doesn't stop his movements however, not wanting to leave his beautiful lover behind. It doesn't take many seconds for Killua to fall over the edge as well, shuddering against Gon, whom in turn kisses him deeply, savouring as much of the moment as he possibly can.  
They lay nuzzling against each other as their breaths gradually calms and the sticky mess in their boxers starts to cool. Gon grimaces and Killua laughs, no words needed to agree that they should clean up before going to sleep.

"I'm so happy that I can be with you again." Killua says, so softly Gon can barely hear it from where Killua has buried his face in his chest. Clean up took a scarce few minutes and they're laying intertwined on the bed as the cool night breeze cleanses the room from earlier activities and the starry night adds to the already special atmosphere. Gon strokes Killua's hair, still marvelling at the softness, marvelling at the whole of Killua actually.

"I am happy too, Killua. If you… If you want me, I'd like to stay with you, forever."

Killua raises his head and gets in Gon's face then, a small pout formed on his lips.

"Of course you idiot. I thought that we already… established that with what we… just did.." he says as a pink flush creeps up his neck and over his cheekbones. Gon laughs.

"I'll take that as a yes!" he beams and hugs Killua tightly whom in turn squeals and protests, but it soon turns into laughs and a short wrestling match before they both acknowledge they are actually very tired.

As Killua settles against his chest, breaths slow and calm as he drifts off to sleep, Gon nuzzles into his hair whispering his affection for the other in soft words.

" _Forever…"_ is the last word they share before the calmest sleep they've had in years claims them.


End file.
